Piano

I've decided to learn the piano since there is now one sitting in the living room. The piano tuner has just left after working for an hour with a large wrench and electronic tuner. I was somewhat disappointed because I had a fantasy that the tuner would be a master player and start jamming on the piano to "test it out". Also, one of the cats liked to warble with the notes as they were tuned to pitch (try finding 440Hz now tuner man). Imagine stereo "Wow Dow Wow" with "Meow meow Meow" as you try to write computer code. Very soothing.

As I look at the piano, I feel it should be an easy instrument to master in terms of the mechanics. I'm not claiming it's easy to be a master pianist, which is a different thing all together. Compared to the violin, where your mechanics determine the pitch, or even the guitar, the piano gives perfect pitch with just a push of the proverbial button (try playing 13th chords and compare). The challenge is to play independent parts at the same time; sight reading is my particular goal.

It's called the "strategy tax". I read about this concept in an article on Salon. The tax relates to the cost of long term strategic commitments. If the tax is too low, the team will be unprepared for the future, and unable to react quickly enough. If the the tax is too high, the necessary and immediate needs cannot be met, and failure results. This is a concept I have understood for some time in my software career, but now I know this fabulous term to associate with it.

Confidence

There's an argument being made that because the Republican party is more cutthroat and unwilling to compromise, they're becoming more effective then the Democrats. It seems that being rational and aware that you don't know everything can compromise your ability to deal with ignorant and obstinate forces.

I've had a similar opinion of myself for a long time -- I sometimes allow others to momentarily intimidate me, not through solid reasoning or superior arguments, but rather by the sheer force of bluster and noise. I'm getting better at recognizing this, and to some extent, losing some of my reluctance to call people idiotic to their face. The problem is, I'm always slightly unsure about things, which is good most of the time because it makes me reexamine situations, but is a weakness when I need mindless confidence.

Screw It

Clicked the "Send Order" button. A snazzy new Dell Dimension is being assembled as we speak (or as I speak as it were). Perhaps it's a somewhat financially irresponsible move; my financial planner would explain the an eight hundred dollar investment now is about 3.2 trillion dollars in retirement funds, but screw him I say. Lee's taunting me about Laser Squad and I need some equipment to fight back. No more reading user configuration docs about how to configure low resolution graphics mode to improve performance.

I just spoke with my brother and we agreed to climb Mission Peak tomorrow. It's only about six weeks before the ideal time to climb Mount Shasta and I need to start training. Muir is going back to school for his masters degree. He's getting what sounds like a great deal from a school in New Hampshire. I'm really pleased that he's going to do it, but I am little disappointed that it's so far away. It's been great having him live nearby. I hear they have good snowboarding up there, so the excuses to visit are already forming.

Tempest and I stayed up way too late cleaning and polishing an old set of copper hinges that had been painted over several times. We're renovating of hall closet and it's starting to look Fine (note the capital F please).

The spell checker suggested "snowballing" instead of "snowboarding", filthy thing that it is.

Nielson

Top Five Television Shows:

• Six Feet Under
• Sopranos
• The Guardian
• The West Wing
• The Osbournes

Zig Zag

Motivational issues are rampant today. This fucking laser squad game that Lee wants to play is cool, but it's giving me fits. My computer at home is so slow. It's about five or six generations behind the current crop. I went online to Dell and customized a nice (and affordable) desktop system that would do nicely, but the mouse cursor only wavered over the purchase button before clicking "save basket". Maybe I'll have the nerve tonight.

Continuing my technical bitchfest, Hotmail and attachments blow ass. Hotmail is very helpful by trying to render an octet-stream type attachment rather then asking me if I would like to save it. Why does everything have to become so "easy" that it's impossible to use?

Moving randomly, I had the somewhat unnerving experience of have three different coworkers call my name within three seconds of each other. It made me feel important and then scared as a small sense of responsibility worked its way into the back of my consciousness.

Observation of the Day Talking on the phone and chatting online with different remote coworkers simultaneously makes me look like double the retard with only the usual effort.

Private Time

It's time to leave work, with things undone, at least for the day, and pursue other work at home, also undone. Hence, the part of the day that is mine begins. The four or so hours of the day that I can pursue my private goals and aspirations. Unfortunately, I need to drive home (30 minute), prepare and eat dinner (30 to 60 minutes), and get ready for bed (15 minutes, flossing between braces is time consuming), so I only have about two hours to do what I want. Tonight I'm going to template route the last four pieces of the Adirondack chairs.

The new table router has performed admirably, especially so after the operator learned a thing or two about how to use it(the power of Border's books). A few ignorant attempts left scared wood and a scared (look out, incoming homograph!) psyche. In the end things worked out, I didn't ruin any wood (too badly), and the initial kickbacks didn't turn my hands into hamburger. I had a "Why am I risking my well being for a pair of chairs?" moment, but in true uslennar fashion that made me even more determined to succeed.

I'm trying to figure out if I take more pride in these chairs or in my professional work. The novelty of chair making is certainly part of it, but such ambivalence worries me. I need to care more about what I spend eight plus hours a day on versus the thing I spend a few hours a week on. Of course, I'm probably resisting human nature.

Webs

Is a valid measure of success in this world the number of people that come to your funeral? The number of people that you've touched strongly enough that they take time from their lives to see you in the end seems somehow meaningful. I saw a show about American heroes in WWII which had a segment on their lives after the war. One man had over two thousand people attend his funeral. He ran his own construction business.

There are many people who are in construction, yet I imagine few have touched as many people as that man did. There is something here that alludes to the way people connect, become meaningful to one another, cross and join paths. I think society is evolving such that these mechanisms are becoming harder to discover and experience in the large scale. Relationships are becoming fewer, although perhaps more intimate, and the web of societal interconnections is becoming sparser. Perhaps this is the real source of the so called "moral decay" problem. As people become more isolated, they become more indifferent.

Suburban Bliss

Yesterday was the type of day that, while somewhat ordinary and uneventful, was for some reason deeply satisfying to me at the same time. Tempest and I woke up, played around, and ate breakfast together. We worked in the backyard for a few hours, mulching and tearing out unruly ivy while the cats ran around and chased bugs. Later, we exchanged some bed sheets (and used a 20 percent of coupon thank you very much) for our new, insanely tall bed. I also purchased a table router at Sears to complete our current woodworking project.

On to the movies where we saw "The Rookie", which, while I usually avoid G rated movies on principal, was a great movie. I was immersed for the entire duration, and even got a little misty during the climax. It's the type of movie that, while the plot is quite predictable, is shot well and provides the moments I love. The underdog protagonist who succeeds against overwhelming odds when everyone else thinks he will fail. Great stuff. It also reminded me of why I want to become a teacher. Sure I realize that life is nothing like the movies (although it was based on a true story), but it's still good to have some idealism.

For dinner I had Kentucky Fried Chicken for the first time in my life, which is odd, since I drive by one almost everyday. A large amount of grease and chicken fat later, I fell asleep in the new, luxurious bed. I can't say I want everyday to be like this, but now and again it's not to bad.

Schwarzenegger Zen

I find weight lifting to be a meditative experience. It's something I do on a regular basis, there is a gradually changing pattern, and it has a similar duration for each session. I've done it for such a long time that the physical exertion is no longer shocking -- I'm used to the strain and rigor involved. The gradual perfection of technique, the subtle change in routine, lifting a few pounds more then usual are what I enjoy. There is no thought about anything other then the immediate, and that is the greatest part of all.

Maslow

Today is the rare day that I feel as close to depressed as I get. I'm not sure why, as nothing overt has happened to make me feel this way. Part of it is the gnawing undercurrent in my mind that I should be doing something more meaningful with my life. I keep visualizing Maslow's hierarchy of needs, that big multi-colored pyramid pointing the way towards self actualization. Maybe this feeling is an indicator that I'm climbing that pyramid.

Sitting in a cubicle writing computer code is a soulless job, but interacting with people to make something, even computer software, can be quite satisfying. The problem is that the interaction has to meaningful. In my job, there are far too many people who can spend meetings without even speaking, and have few opinions (on anything) that they are willing to share. I don't know if it's cultural, if they are intimidated, or they're just the next version of the dancing robots created by Sony.

I also have a new talent -- stealth humor. It's where I make witty remarks and hilarious comments that only I understand or laugh at. It's great.

Told another person about my blog, but I don't have a pseudonym for him yet, so he shall remain anonymous. This person is a friend of mine from years ago, but now we only talk occasionally, which is a shame. Living in different continents is a convenient excuse, but both of us could make better efforts. I think it's some type of generational deficiency with college educated twenty somethings. We're too self absorbed at times, which is part of our upbringing. Being goal focused, motivated, striving for achievement and all that crap doesn't leave time for healthy relationships. I need more "non-acquaintance" friends. Most of the good friends I have live far (thousands of miles) away, and time has caused us to drift apart. That, and the cultural incompatibility issues of the Bay Area (it seems pretentious to put "Bay Area" in caps), has greatly reduced the friend count. I'll need to start working on this.

This weekend, I spent an entire day installing a low voltage lighting system (from IKEA) into my living room. This involved a large amount of exhausting work, including crawling in a hot, filthy attic to run electrical wiring and install a ceiling mounted transformer. I also had to cut a portion of the wall out in the living room above the light switches to access the electrical box knockouts and fish the wire more easily (I had fishing tape, but didn't have to use it). Some molly screws and suspended wiring finished the installation, and a rather swank looking room ensued. This is a similar system, although I have different lights on mine: As I waited in line for breakfast this morning, I was looking at that famous picture of of men working on a skyscraper in New York during the thirties. The mens' job must have been both exhausting and nerve wracking. My work the day before was simply tiring. Imagine performing punishing physical labor all day (these guys are working with steel I-beams) but having to remain mentally aware at all times, or plummet to your death on the street below. I don't think safety ropes were too popular; in the picture the men are eating lunch on the middle of a beam. There's not even a temporary platform for eating. All this makes me even more aware of how easy my job is. It's insanely easy. Sitting at a desk, typing on a computer, looking out the window occasionally. Granted, there is a certain element of ennui associated with it -- a lack of satisfaction from the inability to produce durable and physical differences in the world. But that may not be true, I can't see people using the result of my work but that doesn't mean it's not useful. My vantage makes it impossible to ascertain either way. One day I'll be able to compare careers. It's only thirteen more years before I start teaching.